i find it so ridiculous, how can a person's attitude towards one change so quickly within a week!? but anw, it doesn't matter anymore =P im really glad that i can confide in people like jy jie, jun, my sis and steph about my problems. thank God for these people =)
and what jy jie told me ystd really struck me hard! it was exactly how im feeling, word by word. Amazing.
jun said sth that sets me thinking as well, i think he's right. Though it's just his point of view but considering the fact that i experienced it before, i think it's pretty accurate.
yeap.
also, to my mentor! =) don't be upset anymore, for i didn't open up myself during our conversations fully and was restrictive with the things i wanna share about. so yeap, my fault. But I believe after sat we'll be able to build back the trust between us again, you are still my mentor st jie =) can't wait for sat to come! pray that things will go well ah.
haha.
great! things are really starting to clear up, with the help of God that is.

School was fine. Had a talk with zihui after school too, that is when i realised i still can't get over it. esp when i think abt what happened ystd when jun told me sth, sigh.
though i laughed a lot when i mention about it but who can sense that sorrow supressed deep down inside this heart of mine. who?
so much supressed emotions, and they have to leak out somehow.
but how? howhowhow?
guess a good long rest tonight will help a little, hmmm!

-edited at 11.13pm
jyjun help )':

It feels so great to finally be able to let go of some things! wahaha. Yay focus is back focus is back!
worried a lot, but i think.. aiya. i think what jy jie said was good, i shouldn't put too much hope in the first place.
Take this as a long break for me, so that i can focus on the things i should focus on now and grow in His kingdom. This will make me a better youth =P heh.
as for other things i'll put it aside first, musn't let it affect me and my plans. so...
just wait and see! i give myself 3years btw. yeap, so Lord, You guide, and i'll follow =)

ah.
was talking with jun just now and im still considering whether to join or not, hm... i would love to join! but why and what will be my reason for joining? still thinking.
oh, and mum agreed to let lee tutor me! i think it's so nice to have a tutor whom i can share my problems with and at the same time, learn.
far more better than those boring tutors, who can only teach and teach and teachteachteach, nothing else. boring!
but... i can still rem during my p5 days, i keep on talking non-stop to lee and ahaha, my results ah!
hahaha, he's a good tutor. just that i talk too much =P

Omytian what did i post just now! ! !
Anw, countdown with cell at ryan's place ystd was fun =) the overnight stay+other activities were hilarious! ahaha. And the vibrating of phones early in the morning(due to the alarms we set) was........ =X heh. (HAHAHA)
Went over to Icebreaker with ryan, jass, jq and joyce in the noon, then ktvktv&ktv till the evening, funfunfun! wahaha. music torture =x
and ah, to this particular person... a tissue is different from a kitchen towel k.. must learn, very impt hor. cos my face totally went T_T --> o.o --> =.=..? when i realised it was a kitchen towel!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. *faint
ahaha, anw it was a great countdown filled with lots of laughter.
good, i like! =)

Great. God is disciplining me, and tt's what i always wanted.
It's alr noon, just 12more hours to 2010.
a great start indeed. good!

亲爱的主耶稣啊。。 告诉我怎么办? As a Christian, i can ask other Christians to sin against You just to gain all the advantages to myself. Esp against non-Christians, even though they forgived me, told me it's ok, but i still cant get rid of that horrible feeling inside. Im feeling horrible, a horrible person.
可是姐姐(玲)告诉我，" no need to feel horrible, Jesus has washed away our sins, just pray and repent. " 虽然大家都原谅了我, (可能不是全部) 但我真的sin 得很严重。我幼稚，不成熟，单纯。造成一些不必要的麻烦，也伤害了一些人. 我现在什么都不能做，只能求祢原谅我，拿走我的幼稚，让我不会那么一次有一次的伤害到别人。
我的幼稚，带给了不少人麻烦。我的幼稚，使我做错了决定。我的幼稚，使我说出了一些 un-Godfully 的话。ah! 我真的好幼稚。
所以我恳求祢，把我拥有的那些会伤害到人的 points 给拿掉。
重重地惩罚我，让我长大。我不在意会多痛苦，因为我真的真的,不想再伤害人了。虽然心理还是很内疚，难过，不开心。但是就如刚才姐姐所说的，她告诉我不要内疚，因为耶稣已洗净了我们的罪, 只要相信耶稣救了我们，and realise my mistakes&learn from it, there's no need to feel guilty anymore.
yeap, 对啦。。。 但别人呢? 我竟然令他们失望, 他们也会像Daddy 耶稣那么善良原谅我吗? It'll definitely not be a one-day thing, and the fault lies within me. It takes time for me to grow up, tt's for sure. So until the day the childish-ness of mine is totally removed, i guess i only can pray and pray and pray, pray that my life will be abundantly filled with Him. That's when nothing will goes wrong, that's when i can stop disappointing and hurting people.
Till then, stay strong! and keep learning.

Weeeee~ saveand-delete@hotmail.com !